“One More Month”

*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…

Reversing my health and healing “naturally” was a longer process than I was aware of during the fall of 2013.  I didn’t fully adapt to that mindset of “longer” until AFTER a particularly challenging month.

It was during that fall of 2013 that in a moment of frustration I allowed the frustration to grow into anger directly after an appointment with Dr. R.  It had been my 3rd month working with Dr. R.  I told Mom in the car when I plopped down in the seat, shutting the door harder than need be, “I’m done!”  Silence sat amongst us.  When I finally turned to look at her, Mom was looking at me with tear-filled eyes.  My hot tears soon poured down my cheeks.  I angrily wiped at the tears saying, “I’m done, Mom.  I’ve done everything Dr. R has recommended:  I’ve taken her supplements, followed all her strict diet suggestions, everything.  My left side abdominal pain is the worst it’s been.  Now, my left side in the back hurts constantly too.  I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired!”

Mom watched me quietly as we sat in the car.  I tried to control my tears.  Then, “You’ve had many good days, Kelly.  And on your good days, you tell me that you do feel well.  You don’t feel bad all the time,” she said, pausing.  Then she asked,  “What will you do then, if you quit with Dr. R?  Do you want to go back to the medical doctors?”

“NO!”  I angrily replied.  “I don’t want to go to the medical route.  They will just want to give me medications, which will make my stomach problems worse.  Then they’ll do a bunch of tests and all will come back normal, AGAIN.  I’m NOT going to go the medical route.”  Built up anger was pouring out of me.

“What do you want to do then, Kelly?”  What other options do you have?  Do you REALLY want to quit everything you’re doing?” Mom asked, quietly.

“I don’t know!”  I hostility replied.  I knew deep in my heart that I wasn’t going to quit.  I was just mad… and frustrated.

After a few minutes of utter silence, Mom turned to me, patiently asking me, “Please Kelly, give Dr. R just one more month.  Please?”

My eyes, swollen and bloodshot from all the crying, momentarily glanced at her looking back at me.  With a heavy heart I agreed, “Okay.  Just ‘one more month’.”

“Okay,”  Mom whispered, watching me sadly.  She held out her arms over the center console between us and I fell into them sobbing.  I was a hot mess and mentally exhausted from the wars of decision making battling in my head.  I was also dealing with depression that would grow worse during the next years to come.  The battles in my mind were real.

During the agreed to “one more month” I took a wonderful turn for the better with my left side pain, night sweats, started digesting food a little better, and had more energy.  Then Mom was crying… crying happy tears while saying, “‘One more month’, huh?”  

Looking back, it wan’t until a year later that we BOTH could laugh, together, over the mention of the phrase “one more month”.  It took that long for me to see some beauty come out from the ashes.  But you know what?  The timing was perfect, because I would not only need to understand the concept of giving the All Natural Healing route TIME to work it’s benefits then, but live the concept out in the next 3 years to come.

Lang-79 copy

(Copy Right Naomi Shanti Photography)  Picture:  Mom(right) Kelly/Me(left)

To those of you that don’t know Mom or myself personally(or even if you do, many people think that Mom and I have always been close in our relationship) we haven’t always been close.  Truth is, growing up I butted heads with her a lot of the time, almost on a daily basis.  I was strong-willed and determined, and so was she, so that was difficult for both of us to deal with the other.  Mom and I were actually a lot alike.  THAT was the problem.

Dad would often come home from his workday to find Mom and I not speaking and mad at the other.  He was, more often than not, the mediator for our disagreements.  As I got older, the arguments got more heated because, well, I had more of an attitude.  By that time I also knew how to push her buttons that, honestly, I shouldn’t had been pushing.  Mom had been much more patient with me as a young teenager, which only made me angrier and more defiant in our disagreements.  She had changed for the better, but I hadn’t.

When I was about 15 years old we both got to the point where we were tired of our still happening disagreements and arguing.  We “hit our rock bottom”, so to speak.  It was time for BOTH of us to change.  We talked and agreed that we BOTH needed to work at being more patient, being forgiving, slower to speak, thinking before we speak, to not do the notorious “tit for a tat”, to be more open and honest with each other, and work on our communication skills.  Truthfully, it was one of the best things that ever happened for our relationship.  And, it needed to happen if we EACH wanted to better our relationship.

In the years to come, we both had our moments, being tempted to our old tactics, but we overcame, and still do today, together.  In my late teen years, 18-19, becoming ill actually helped to continue strengthening our relationship.  What I’m trying to say, is that we didn’t just by chance have a good mother-daughter relationship.  We had to both willingly work at it, humbling ourselves to serving the other with kindness, goodness, etc., and through that our relationship grew to so much more.

Today, our relationship is deeper than it has ever been.  We have a mother-daughter relationship that to me is deeply profound.  We are the best of friends and have many things in common.  We often get told from people, “You two have such a beautiful relationship.”  Yes, we do.  But the thing is, it didn’t just happen over night.  It took(and still takes) work and patience on both our parts.  We still have disagreements… but we are able to talk through them reasonably, and respectfully.  We both talk openly, sharing our thoughts, hearts, and perspectives, all so that we can better understand where the other is coming from.  We are to the point in our relationship where we both can freely ask for forgiveness when in error, admitting when we were/are wrong.

Mom was right in asking me to to hold on for “one more month to see some positive results.  Thanks, Mom!  I could not have gone through these past years without your help, guidance, encouragement, and love.  I’m so thankful for our open relationship.  You’ve taught me a lot about being transparent and vulnerable.  I thank Papa God for you.  I’m so thankful you are my Mama, friend, and sister.  I LOVE YOU!”

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