*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…
JE November 28th, 2014
My gut is not good at all. The left side pain is terrible and ALL the symptoms that come with it. My eyes are yellow and have distinct yellow spots, one in each of them. My health is steadily declining. Help me, Lord, please! Answers soon? Please Papa, show me in some way, shape, or form. I just had one of those moments where you just cry, straight out. Why? A dear friend said this to me recently, “Kelly, I would give you one of my organs, blood, or anything that would be helpful for you.”
Mom and I had a conversation earlier, back in the late fall of 2014 between the span of working with Dr. R and before working with the FMD, on the subject of people in my life knowing about my health situation. “Kelly, our friends and family know that you have food allergies and intolerances. Some of them know more of what you’ve been experiencing, the things that you and I have shared with them.”
“Yes,” I’d questioned?
“Well, I want to ask you if you want people to REALLY know what is going on with you? The reason I ask is because some people have been asking me how you are. They are concerned about you. I want to respect you, your privacy. Do YOU want to tell people when they ask you about the all natural way of healing you’ve chose? I’m asking because individuals sometimes voluntarily share their opinions about what THEY think you should do, and I know it can be hard to hear at times. You and I both know you don’t have extra energy, and I’m wondering if you want to exert any energy into having to deal with people and their opinions? That battle of the mind effect from too many choices to think about, you know?
Oh man, she has a GREAT point. I really haven’t told but a couple people how sick I really am. None of my clients know. My clients, family, and friends know I have food allergies and intolerances like Mom said. And some family and friends know that I don’t feel well. Do I really want to open up by telling people my health situation and be bombarded with opinions, ideas of “you should try this” or “you should do that”? My mind was already catching onto what Mom was getting at. I was REALLY glad she brought this to my attention.
“Mom, you’re right in asking. I hear where you are coming from and appreciate your concern. I think you have a very important point that needs an answer. One that is right not only for me, but for you too. You shouldn’t have to field people’s questions, their thoughts, or their opinions. Obviously like you said, I really can’t and don’t want to add that onto my plate right now, dealing with questions or opinions. I don’t have the energy and time, nor do I want to convince people of my choices. It’s MY choice to do what I’m doing. I think for both of our sakes, we shouldn’t tell people all of what I’m battling.” I’d stated.
Mom nodded her head in agreement. “Kelly, you really don’t have extra energy to exert in explaining your health choices to people. It’s probably in your best interest. I think this is a wise decision for you. Besides that, having depression on top of this, it could really bring you down with worrying if you’re making right choices for YOU.”
I thought for awhile, then she added, “Kelly, there are some people that I think SHOULD know about your critical state of health. You know, those inner-circle people that care about you deeply.” I nodded for Mom to go on. “Grandma Gwen should know more. She loves you and is always praying for you. Your friend, Laurie(my massage therapist). Our friend, Vadnae(a woman that’s like a Grandma to me), and your auntie Lori too.”
I looked at her while thinking about the people she’d listed. She’s right. These are the people that care deeply and won’t put their judgement on me for the choices I’m making. “You’re right. These people should know.”
(Pictured above is Aunt Lori and Grandma Gwen at my parent’s 25th Anniversary party. Photo compliments to: Naomi Shanti Photography)
I’m the type of person that tells the truth, to the point of sometimes being blunt. Not telling people what was going on with my health wasn’t necessarily easy when questions did arise. I learned to kind of dance around questions, to avoid outright lying or being rude, by being vague. To my extended family, friends, clients, that didn’t know I was this ill, I’m sorry if this hurt you, that I wouldn’t and didn’t tell you the truth about my state of health. I in NO way, shape, or form am trying to justify my choices when I say, “I was honestly looking out for the best interest of myself. I didn’t want to add onto the mountain that I was already dealing with daily. Mom and I knew how we, ourselves, want to jump in and help when a loved one is ill. “Helping” people seem to have great motives behind their intentions, but I/we truly felt we couldn’t deal with that with every single person we knew, especially since I was not taking a “Medical” route. It was my choice, and I can honestly say that this choice of going “Natural” was the best decision for myself.” Also, we didn’t avoid talking about my health with people that asked. We just didn’t explain in FULLNESS the depth of what was really going on in my health. My clients didn’t know because I did not want them to know. I didn’t want them to feel any guilt about me working on them when I was not feeling well. I truly wanted to help them in their journey to wellness, if this was the one way I could help people. And, they also gave me motive to get out of bed each morning.
To some people, I looked the “state of health”. You know, the American worldly view of “skinny, in shape, and ‘looking good’.” Some people told me this even when I was very sick, because to them I did look fine. Other people, that spent more time with me, that saw me more often, picked up that “something wasn’t quite right” with me, and they’d ask. And then there were those people I saw often that still had NO idea that I was even sick(which goes back to the statement that I looked good/healthy/well in their eyes).
I’ve learned that everyone has their own idea of wellness, health, being healthy and being well. But, that’s a subject for another time. The point is, I wasn’t sharing a lot about my health during this time, but there would be a time in the future to share. And that future time, well, is now! I want you to hear my story, all of it, IF you want too. No obligation. To you, the one reading here right now, “I truly hope and pray that my story touches your life in some way. Maybe you can relate. Maybe a loved one is going through something similar. Or maybe you’re just curious as to what REALLY happened while I was sick. I don’t know your motive or desire for wanting to read my story. But there are a couple things that I hope and pray from the bottom of my heart… that you would learn and take away things from my story, knowing that there are other options of healing than only conventional Western Medicine and prescription drugs that we in America have depended on for our chronic health issues. Also, that through my being completely transparent and honest, that you would know me for the REAL person that I am. In addition, that you would see the hand of God at work in the life of someone that absolutely does NOT deserve God’s love, but was blessed ten-fold from it.
I’d like to leave off with asking, IF you feel lead, that you’d share this blog with loved ones, family, friends, and people in your life that this may benefit, find interesting, may learn from, are interested in alternative holistic health, and that may be blessed from this. I’m not telling you to, nor do I want to pressure you into something. Please just pass along if you feel lead. Thank you, and God bless.