*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…
JE December 8th, 2014
My gut is bad today, again. It’s continuously getting worse. It’s getting harder and harder to hold my bowels in. This is getting very… I’m at a loss for words, I don’t know what to say. Lord, please, I need some direction, insight, or even answers. Help me Papa God, please? I woke up a little after 1 this morning with stabbing left side pain. I had hot and cold sweats, along with the need to vomit. It lasted a good 1/2 hour and has gone into today. I’m not feeling good. In all reality, it sucks. Each day I go to bed and wake up utterly exhausted. I still “seize the day by the reigns” and get through it. I wake up every night feeling sick. The pain and symptoms can last minutes to hours. There is no rhyme or reason to how long it will last. I have constant burning and stabbing pain in my left side. I battle bloating, nausea, headaches, total body aches, low back pain and much more daily. I continue to do all my “helps” in different ways of self care. Papa, I need your help.
It was the week of Christmas 2014. Work was very busy and I was putting in longer hours because of the holiday season. Tired, worn out, and not getting enough sleep meant I was past exhausted by the time we locked our doors on Christmas Eve. My health had been slowly and steadily declining.
Christmas day we spent with relatives, which meant we drove 3+ hours to get there. I spent the majority of that day laying on the floor due to abdominal pain. Grandma was concerned about me. She, and my aunt Lori(whose house we were at), knew more about my health than the other relatives. I felt Grandma’s love and concern. It was a long day and traveling journey there and back home.
New Years Eve was coming up. I worked late again that week, into the night on New Years Eve. After work, I finished up everything I had to do despite just wanting to go home and sleep. I arrived home and took a hot shower letting the steaming water penetrate deep into my back and abdomen. Soon I was in bed. My abdominal pain was intense. I felt like puking. This was common, battling nausea numerous times daily. Unsuccessfully, I rolled around attempting to find a comfortable position for pain relief.
Eventually, I drifted into sleep only to be awakened with electrifying abdominal pain. Hot and cold sweats racked my body. I couldn’t breathe deep as the abdominal pain ripped inside me in every direction. I muffled a cry into my comforter. My abdomen was bloated. I couldn’t touch it, due to it hurting so severely. The slightest touch brought searing pain. My head was spinning from dizziness. I felt like I was going to faint even though I was in bed. I was laying on my back as the pain ripped through my abdomen. My back hurt so bad that it pained me to lay on it. I slowly attempted to roll onto my left side. Like a knife, pain speared through my abdomen into my back. I cried out at the intensity of the pain. I knew I couldn’t finish rolling onto my left side. I needed to lay on my back again. My stomach felt like it was in my throat. My head was pounding. It hurt to open my eyes. I thought my head might explode. That actually might be okay, I thought. I knew I couldn’t move because of all this pain, so I was going to have to let it take its course. I tried to breathe, making myself as comfortable as I could. No position brought any relief. I prayed, crying ever so softly because like always, it hurt my abdomen to cry. I threw back the covers as the hot sweats came again. Not long after that I was cold again, so I wrapped the covers around me. After some time passed, I got an acidic taste in my mouth, and again I felt like I was going to puke. I knew I had to get out of bed into the bathroom. I slowly got my legs to the side of the bed. I groaned in pain. Both of my cats raised their heads, four eyes glowing in the dark watching me.
“Hey you two. I think I’m going to puke. God help me!” I muttered as pain ripped though my abdomen while trying to sit up. There was a garbage can near the end of my bed. Reaching for it, I was light headed, dizzy, and almost fell to the floor. I caught myself as one of the cats moved to get out of the way. I had the can but couldn’t move. I hurt and was battling another hot sweat. I then laid with half my body in bed and half falling off the side of the bed, head in the garbage can. I felt even more nauseous, then the cold sweats hit again. The pain in my abdomen quit, momentarily. I took as deep of a breath as I could and exhaled. I knew this was my chance to get to the bathroom.
I stood up holding onto the closet door, getting my balance. My abdominal and back pain was flaming hot as it seared like electricity through me. The intensity of it doubled me over. I grimaced, unable to speak. Suddenly I felt the urge to have a BM(bowel movement). One hand on the wall for balance and the other attempting to cradle my abdomen, I limped the short distance through the hallway to the bathroom. I was sweating profusely. At rest on the toilet, my urge to have a BM still present, I couldn’t push or strain because the abdominal pain prevented it. Frustrated and hurting, I patiently waited. I was still dripping with sweat and my head was pounding. Abdominal pain electrocuted through me again, leaving my head spinning. I grabbed the walls on both sides of me to help me stay balanced, even though I was sitting on the toilet. The pain again decreased momentarily, and the urge to have a BM lessened. It hurt to sit, and since I didn’t have the urge to go anymore I NEEDED to move(sitting hurt so badly at this point in time I avoided it at ALL costs). So, I decided to try to cool down by laying on the cold granite bathroom floor. Once down, I realized I was absolutely exhausted and just wanted to lay there and sleep.
I started to drool as I lay there. “I’m a hot mess,” I muttered to myself. Another searing pain ripped through my abdomen into my back. The intensity of it left me in the fetal position. It felt like my stomach was in my throat. Slowly, I attempted to push then pull myself up using the walls and the shower door to grasp. Sitting up, I leaned over the toilet and within a few seconds I was puking my guts out.
This was not a case of having a flu bug. The same scenario had happened a couple other times during the last few months, although not to that severity.
The waves of puking ended. The electrifying abdominal pain vanished. My stomach was empty and raw. I cleaned the toilet thoroughly, and then washed my face and hands, and brushed my teeth. It felt like a train had run me over a few times, then backed up. Walking out of the bathroom I tenderly held my abdomen, walked into my bedroom and turned on my bedside lamp. I slowly changed clothes and then crawled into bed while both of my cats looked at me, curiously. One of them started purring and nudged me ever so gently. “It’s okay you two, I feel better. Let’s go back to sleep.” I shut off the lamp and laid on my left side and soon fell asleep. When I awoke hours later, I felt like I’d slept for the first time in months! My body still hurt but the pain was back to a constant dull and achy state. (Although at any given time, day or night, the pain could take a turn for the worse.)
A few things to note:
1) Yes, it probably sounded like I needed to go to the ER(emergency room). BUT, I was certain that I would be observed for days and they’d want to do testing, which was just not what I wanted. Nor did I want to be put on any kind of medication. I’d be utilizing their restroom, only to be going home with no answers, no results, and a lot of bills to pay. Going to the ER wasn’t something I was willing to do. And YES, my parents asked many times if I needed to go. My answer was always the same, “NO.”
2) There’s a couple things in life that are really hard for me, one of which is vomiting. There’s just something about it that is really difficult for me. That being said, when I puke, it is NOT easy and is a last resort.
3) The nights weren’t easy, just like the day sweats weren’t. I kept my phone in my room in the case that I needed help. Mom ALWAYS kept her cell phone’s ringtone on low beside her bedside when she slept in case I needed her. She was only a text or phone call away. “NEVER hesitate if you need me. I don’t care if you wake me up, Kelly.” She meant it. And I knew it, and agreed to if need be.
The next weeks went by. Taking life one day at a time, I would daily go outside for a walk and do a small workout. It didn’t matter if I had energy or not, I’d do this remembering Dr. R’s words, “It is important to get your body moving. When you exercise and move your body you are promoting circulation. It is important that you sweat, Kelly. Sweating will help get toxins out of your body and heat up your core body temperature. I don’t care if you do a 15 minute workout or an hour, you just need to get your body moving.” I knew that Dr. R was right, so with sheer determination I would workout some degree every day. It wasn’t easy, believe me, especially on really bad days. But, on a not so bad day I loved my little exercise routine! Going for walks always helped lessen my headaches. The fresh air in my lungs was always what I needed. It was enjoyable, therapeutic, and healing to me.
With the year of 2014 over, it had ended with me becoming more humble as my health was at an all time low. Ringing in the New Year, well, life could only get better, right?