*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…
Mom and I sat in the kitchen continuing our talk right after the painful morning I’d had Fading In, Fading Out on the bathroom floor.
My body had felt like a freight train traveled over me. I was drained of energy. Thankfully, it’s my day off work today, I thought. I took it easy the rest of that day, resting and re-cooperating. The abdominal pain was back to its normal, feeling dull and achy deep in the inner-most part of my abdomen, under my ribs. The low back pain continued though. I used a lot of Peppermint essential oil in an attempt to take low back pain away. The oil helped immensely. The coolness of the peppermint stopped the burning sensation. I used the oil many times throughout the rest of the day.
Mom recieved an email response from GTin5’s customer service later that afternoon. Their email confirmed both of our thoughts as to why I had gotten so sick, that the supplements were causing the die-off of toxins/detoxing my body, and that it was detoxing TOO FAST, hence why I had gotten so ill! They’d instructed, “Stop taking the supplements for a couple days. Slowly start them again at a smaller dose in a few days. Work your way back up to a full dose.” I smiled at Mom as she read the response to me.
“We, ourselves, are our best doctors!” I laughed. Deep down in my heart, I knew that things had to get worse before they would get better. Today was a prime example of that. My life had been teetering on the edge of destruction and I needed to keep detoxing. If I didn’t continue to take the supplements and detoxify, I had an inner knowing that I wouldn’t have much more time on this earth.
I’m certain that had I choose to take the conventional Western Medicine route of doctoring, putting any kind of drug in me to kill the pathogens, that it would had killed me, simply because I couldn’t handle any type of toxin that may contain gluten, and many prescription drugs do contain gluten. The detoxification route I chose was a process that would cleanse my body of disease without doing further damage to my vital organs, mostly my liver but also my kidneys and intestines.
I was choosing to heal in all aspects of my life; physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, detoxing in all these areas. I was balancing my body’s energy and relieving stress where it was possible. I was using these ways of healing to turn my life around. This was ALL MY CHOICE, not my parent’s, friend’s, or anyone else’s choice. It was my choice. I chose to use alternative healing methods to turn my health around.
What I didn’t know at this time was that the major illness deep inside my body was just starting to be addressed as I was beginning to detox through the GTin5 program.
As you’ve read in the past blog posts, I had put my trust fully, completely, in my Papa God. I was not doubting the course of him having me here at this time for a reason(or reasons). Someone may be reading and thinking, “God wanted to almost kill you, but instead let you suffer through some living hell and then come back to endure a few more years of suffering? You think God actually wanted that for you?”
I’m not hear to say WHAT God wanted, because I’m not God and can’t answer for him. But, there is something I do know, and that is when I put my COMPLETE trust and faith in my Papa God, I give up all of my control and my plans. I let God be in the driver’s seat.
In Mom’s blog Somewhere Down the Road, Plans and Goals, she asked some thought provoking questions: Are goals good to have? Can goals actually hinder us if we are set on them, our heels dug in?
Personally, I think goals CAN be great, but here’s what I was learning when I gave up MY control and gave God COMPLETE control: What plans and goals that I had pre-determined and set in my mind, on MY time frame, were NOT God’s plans for me.
In Mom’s blog she’d talked about me wanting to “keep on keeping on” with the Pathogen Purge(Step 2 of GTin5 Program). However, she thought we should extend the Pathogen Purge longer. I was determined to forge ahead. Should I have extended that part of the program another week, or even few weeks? YES. Would that have ultimately fixed my issues? No, but it would had helped. Point was, there I was trying to control my life and my health by forging ahead with ideas that worked for MY plan. Taking full dosages of detoxifying supplements from the GTin5 program was my idea. The Founder of the program had instructed me to start a quarter the dosage just days before we’d started the program. I wanted to be healthy and well ASAP… and in time for leaving for Hawaii. Would I meet that plan and goal? Time will tell.
Goals. Plans. Success. I believe these are all great concepts. Wise counsel is important too, in setting and attaining these. But, if we are controlling our goals, plans and successes, and God isn’t in the structure of these being set, we are running a race that may have never been meant for us to run. We may run ourselves weary, being disappointed and frustrated in our efforts because enough success is often just not enough. The stakes keep getting higher.
On the other hand, with God in the driver’s seat(it might not always be easy or comfortable in the passenger seat) we are in the best hands. I can’t explain this as well as my heart knows this, but let me try. While I was ill, I was learning to put my complete trust in God. I was more FREE than I had ever been. More free from stress, worry, doubts, and fear all the while walking so much closer with my Papa. And you know what? I was communicating and hearing from my Papa more regularly than I was in year’s past. How? Through feeling his presence, his voice speaking to the inner most part of my being, in visions and speaking to me in some very distinct dreams. God was speaking to me in what some would say “profound ways”. The most important aspect that I was learning at this time is that it wasn’t about my “goal of being healthy and well”. Yes, that was important. What God was teaching me was that I was on this journey for a reason(which I already knew in my head, but was embracing it with my heart). And, I was being refined by Papa to be the person that he desired me to be, more full of his goodness and love. It was the WHO and WHAT kind of person that I was to be and become more of on this whole journey that was important, way more important than “good health”, the focusing of meeting my goals, my plans, and ultimately achieving my success.
God had bigger and better things in store for me than I knew or even dreamt possible. How do I know? Well, what I thought was a GOOD plan and solid goals to reach health success by a certain date was futile compared to when I let God have control, because living allowing Papa’s control was life changing. This isn’t just a concept that a person does once in their lifetime, either. I find this to be a continuous life process.
Another huge concept that I was accepting in FULLNESS was that any kind of healing is a process that most often doesn’t happen overnight. God was making ABSOLUTE beauty out of what looked to be “ugliness”, daily in my life. I’m am not lying when I say, “That even through these hellish days shared openly on this blog, I can say with words and believe with all my heart, ‘God is making beauty out of what most people would view as ashes’. I’m so thankful this happened to me.” Why? Because I came to a place of ABSOLUTE peace and acceptance of my health, looking forward to a future that was in his hands.
I knew that I was fighting for my life at this time in the telling of my story. With God, I knew the best was yet to come in whatever form that would be, death or continuance of life here on earth. After nearly dying, I felt I knew in my heart of hearts that this was the last close call that I would have. Was it? Yes. Were there other awful days after that one? Yes, but nothing ever compared to that morning on the bathroom floor fading in and fading out. I came to know that God had me in this place for many teachable moments and reasons. I was being prepared for what was to come, unbeknownst to me during my future daily coffee enemas.
“With God all things are possible” -Matthew 19:26
