Expectations

*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…

In the last blog (Food is Medicine) I’d shared… “During the process of the last phase, Step 5, “80-20 Maintenance”,” that I wasn’t getting as much success re-introducing new foods into my diet as I wanted.  Put simply and point blank obvious, is the reality of this statement “what I wanted“.

Before I say more, I will say that for the normal person at this point in the GTin5 program, they should had been feeling much better, having improved their health.  I wasn’t the normal person in the program, though.  But, I did think I should be feeling better than I did at that time.  Which leads us to the topic, EXPECTATIONS!

The truth of the matter is, is that expectations are really tricky.  For myself and others that I’ve talked with about this subject, we seem to find that when we put SPOKEN or UNSPOKEN expectations on someone, a circumstance, or ourselves, in the end we often feel let down when the expectation wasn’t met.

In my health struggle for the first many years, I had expectations and high hopes of getting answers to my steadily declining health.  Well, thus far on the journey I still had no defining answers other than what I researched and believed to be true for myself.  My expectations continually got me into trouble when I’d work with health professionals, EXPECTING them to tell me what was wrong with me.  Sounds reasonable, right?  Well, that might be true, but what happens when that high hope and expectation comes shattering down to the reality of someone telling you, “I have no answers to help you.”  Faced with the reality of our expectations not being met, we may feel sad, confused, or even let down.

Is it wrong for us to have hopes and expectations?  I’ve had a lot of experiences that felt like errors in my life because of putting MY expectations on myself and others.  What happens when the people or circumstances don’t line up with MY expectations?  I’m let down.  I might even lose faith in myself or an individual because of my expectation(s).  Sometimes I get confused and need to re-focus to figure out where I went wrong.  And every time, I need to let this be an AFGO(another fabulous growth opportunity) moment to see the error of my way.  Once I realize and swallow my pride, embracing an AFGO moment, I can humble myself and see the error of my way.  I begin to not let my expectations take control and block relationships, health realities, daily life realities interactioning with other people, goals/dreams, etc.

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“Expectation is the root of all heartache.”

-William Shakespeare

Have you ever gone into a premeditated discussion that you’d rehearsed over and over in your head for what had felt like hundreds of times?  Maybe it was when having to have a difficult conversation with your boss, spouse, child or friend.  Maybe it was introducing yourself to someone you wanted to get to know, trying to get the courage in telling yourself what you would say when the time came.  There’s lots of scenarios but the point is, when put in the midst of any premeditated situation, did all of our rehearsing actually go as planned?  I’m willing to guess NO.  And that’s exactly the point. Our expectations got in the way of how we thought something should go, what a person would say, or how a scenario would play out.

Why do we have to play out any life scenario in our head a hundred times?  Is it wrong to NOT think about this?  Yes, I think it’s responsible to think things through as to what MAY happen.  But I don’t think we should get stuck in our thoughts and spoken or unspoken expectations of how, why, when or what will happen.

The spoken and unspoken.  You know, the expectations that we speak and the ones we don’t speak but still expect?  As children we grow up with rules, the do’s and don’ts.  Our parents verbally speak many expectations, and other expectations we somehow feel the do/don’t of but they’re not spoken.   We learn about the spoken and unspoken from a very young age.  Do you think it’s at all possible that with these spoken and unspoken expectations and rules, that this plays a role in how we interact, speak, handle conflict, and live our lives?  I do.

Without diving too deep into this subject, I’ll just ask a couple more things for each of us to think about.  Am I living my life with spoken or unspoken expectations?  Am I putting MY expectations on myself, or others, and is it affecting them?  If I am, is this right for them, and is it right for me?  Why do I do this?  Do I want or need to change my thinking, analyzing, and views so that I’m more aware of how MY expectations affect me and others?

Wrapping it up… We are all human and we all make mistakes.  No person, no circumstance, will ever meet our expectations.  Sorry to burst anyone’s bubble!  I’ve had to address “my view of expectations” because honestly, it was messed up.  And you know what?  As I continue to sort through that mess, I’m learning that I do better without any expectations.

Laying aside MY expectations and going into anything/everything with an open mind(free of expectations) has set me free at a whole new level of living my life.  I’ve found that it not only helped myself, but it helps others too.  It seems we all get blessed when that happens!

Wherever life leads us, I hope and pray that instead of letting our expectations take control, that we’d each take a step back and let it be an AFGO(another fabulous growth opportunity) moment to live in and get blessed by!

 

 

 

 

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