Unlocking Vulnerability

*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…

It was the end of December when the remedy and supplements from Dr. Jack arrived in the mail.  I started them immediately.

Like in the past, once I took the supplements I started getting really sick.  However, I knew the difference between a “good sick” and “bad sick”.  This WAS a “good sick” I was experiencing.  The new supplements were designed to kill cancer cells and eradicate the toxins out from inside my body.  Headaches were more prevalent and dizziness was happening at times.  I wanted to sleep more but my body wouldn’t let me.  I had restless sleep resulting in six-eight hours per night.  My energy level was pretty low.  The yellow spots in my eyes continued to get better though, so that was an improvement!  My body was a lot less sore than it had been for the last few years, and in turn it was continuing to unlock(I’ll get more into that in a bit here…).  YIPPEE!

I continued to do my daily routine of numerous forms of healing.  At this time it mostly included coffee and lemon juice enemas, alternating between a Detox Bath or Castor Oil Pack, using essential oils, exercise, self-care, taking my supplements from Dr. J’s office, drinking LOTS of water, eating a totally Organic diet(which consisted of 60-70% vegetables, 30% meats, and 10% nuts/fruits), and drinking Essiac Tea.

Essiac Tea is proven to help cure cancer.  This tea dates back to the 1920’s and before!  Each morning and night I’d drink the tea on an empty stomach.  I felt it working deep inside my abdomen a short while after drinking it.  It was definitely helping in the detoxifying!

In enemas each day I continued eliminating the biofilms, and my low back and abdominal pain would be immediately relieved.  Sometimes the biofilms where green/blue in color.  I often found myself thinking, The detoxification process is like peeling away layers of an onion.  The epicenter of which each layer surrounding it were removed was significant in my healing process.

Each day was different, bringing new subtle joys here and there.  I took notice to those “joyful” moments.  Detoxing and healing weren’t easy, though.  On hard days I focused on getting through the day, and that kept me moving forward.  I set small goals to help me make it through the day.  Papa God and Mom were the two constants in my life, day in and day out.  I was exhausted and so was my entire being.

It’d been six months of detoxing.  How much longer?  I asked God.

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I was slowly and subtly progressing in different ways in my journey of healing.  In turn, my body was beginning to unlock via the help of Massage Therapy, Exercise and Stretching.

Massage Therapy helped specifically to loosen my abdominal(hip flexors) and muscles in my back(especially left side).  The tight muscles were trying to protect the 3-dimensional area of pain deep inside me.  Each day I’d massage my abdomen with my hands two-five times throughout the day.  I’d make sure that I massaged it first thing in the morning upon waking, and before I went to bed at night.  This would help my abdominal muscles to relax while sleeping, I hoped!

Laurie(Massage Therapist and friend) was always able to help during my monthly massages too.  She’d penetrate deeper into the muscles to reduce the tightness.  And another great part of seeing her was that my own hands got a break!

I also continued stretching and using my Thera Cane every night before bed.  When I had first started using a Thera Cane, doing specific stretches for my very tight hip flexor muscles, it painfully hurt at times because of the tightness.  However, I knew that the hurt was a good and helpful pain.  The process of working these muscles took time; specifically, years to unlock them!  These muscles helped me keep me in a fetal position during some of my roughest years of illness.  They seemed to want to stay to their locked position. Consistency working them, though, along with other helps, were key in getting them to loosen and stay unlocked.

As the unlocking of my hip flexors started, my right hip would pop upon moving it in a certain position. When it popped it helped lessen the low back pain.  The popping would diminish when my pelvis muscles loosened enough and the pelvis/sacrum were in alignment.  Then, I’d be able to dig my Thera Cane in deep into my hips AND be able to self massage my abdomen deeper.

I had times throughout the years that my pelvis would release when I least expected it.  It would happen without any indication or forewarning.  An example of was one time I was doing some light stretching/exercises on the floor.  I audibly heard and felt my sacrum(pelvis) unlock.  As it did, I felt a warmness penetrate outward from the back of my pelvis towards my hips.  Immediately, I had more feeling in my upper legs.  The entire pelvis felt looser than it had in years!  I could move easier and more freely.

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In order for my body to be unlocked to a deeper level to promote FULL healing, I had to examine all aspects of my life.  As the unlocking happened, I first had to realize an important aspect of letting go of stuff; AKA vulnerability.

To be vulnerable is to be at ease, open and transparent.  Vulnerability is something that is greatly misinterpreted.  To be vulnerable is not a bad thing, UNLESS, a person is doing so for the wrong reason(s).

I had begun to unlock my body, starting with my heart on December 29th, 2011 when I came to know Christ personally as my savior(A New Heart).  The walls built up around my heart had to be broken down, promoting forgiveness and truth.  It wasn’t easy.  I had hard/deep conversations with individuals(mostly members of my family), learning to be fully real and vulnerable.  As my heart started to heal within, relationships with my family(and other people), I began to heal emotionally, mentally, and even physically in the years since.  I had become more vulnerable, and it was good!  I started to love people unconditionally.  I was vulnerable with them, being open and honest.  Some people just didn’t understand WHY I was this way.  People seem to get a notion that if your nice to them for ‘no reason’, you must want something.  I didn’t!

As my heart learned the beautiful power of freedom in vulnerability, my mind did too.  I had no idea that vulnerability was going to help unlock my locked and tight body.

On this journey towards WHOLE healing from the beginning, I began to use other methods to help me understand that vulnerability encompassed even more.  Applying food as medicine changed my life for the better.  My mind was able to think clearer because the foods weren’t causing me to have “brain fog”.  My bodily organs were beginning to work more together, as a whole, as a complete system(s).

In becoming even more ill, I had to learn to be more vulnerable; learning to ask for HELP, to speak kinder, to be REAL with people, and to share life with people.  It wasn’t easy, especially right away.  I’d meet complete strangers that would start sharing their life story with me.  The person didn’t even know me.  Yet, they were willing to be REAL with me, sharing their heart.  This made a big impact in my life.  It helped me to realize that vulnerability not only affects ourselves, but others in our lives.

Vulnerability should be an asset in everyday lives.  We shouldn’t have to build or put up a wall around our hearts or minds to protect ourselves from being hurt.  We shouldn’t be in fear of being hurt with words, actions, judgement and feeling shame.  We are human. Life happens and we make mistakes.  We live life and learn from our mistakes, making amends and moving forward.  Vulnerability can be a beautiful thing, IF we are willing to allow ourselves to be so.  As I began to heal my body, organs, mind, heart, and being, I was learning the true, beautiful power of vulnerability!

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