Above family photo by Naomi Shanti Photography, Summer 2014
*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…
Hi there! This is Mom blogging.
In Kelly’s last blog post, The Spot Is… she ended saying, “I felt a deep knowing in my heart that things were changing for the better and that it wasn’t going to be too much longer before I was out of the woods…”. That being “out of the woods” time was approaching quickly. Healing was happening, the best results were soon coming.
During that season of January 2016 going forth, we were also preparing for a family trip to Hawaii. Kelly had set a goal months before in the summer of 2015, when we booked a family trip to Hawaii, to be well by February’s end. It looked as if this goal was on course for her with the subtle changes in her daily health. This was so encouraging!
With few people that knew exactly what she was dealing with, pancreatic cancer, we now felt as though it was okay to let others know what specifically was happening with Kelly those last years up to this time (Jan-Feb 2016).
Kelly had been diligent, staying focused on her health problems and solving them through all natural routes that often times are unacceptable to the masses. She had not had to deal with opposition, people questioning her about her choice of healing, and possibly leaving her having a divided mind about what she was choosing to do to rid herself of the toxins. That in and of itself was a huge blessing, not having to second guess herself if anyone had suggested her choice was not the right one for her. Kelly knew what she wanted shortly after the start of her stomach pain since late in the summer of 2010. She was now seeing the fruits of her labors 5.5 years later.
Knowing that the family trip was coming up in only a month’s time, there was an expectation. That expectation spoken out loud by Kelly to her “being well” because of the goal she’d set for herself was pressing in now. (See blog post Expectations) Would she be WELL by the departure time for our family trip, or be at least on the other side of this illness? Shortly, time would tell. My hopes were high, but I was also open for whatever would be, whether she had this illness in the bag or soon after the trip.
What I can tell you is that our girl trusted in God and his sufficiency for her well-being during this whole long health ordeal. That faith, wild and untamed, was a faith that I recognized; trusting in her Papa God with whatever the end results of healing would be. A faith so strong in a heart so young is rarely seen. She knew what she knew, what she knew, and she would not be swayed even by her own family’s’ questioning of her choice(s). Now, that does not mean that every choice she has made “in faith” is always going to be, or always has been, or always will be what she believes it will be, because she is not “all-knowing” as God Himself is. What I’m saying is, I admired the faith demonstrated through her illness.
Speaking of an all-knowing God, do you have faith to carry you through good days and bad, seasons of grey and unknowns? What keeps you or I from fully trusting Him in whatever comes our way, or fully trusting that “we will know”, “our situation will turn around”, or “His will be done” WILL be done?
I was raised going to church, being told about God in religion classes, and hearing the Scriptures on Sundays and holy days. I’ve always BELIEVED in God. I’d cried out to him on a number of occasions in my early years of growing into an adult, and in young adult years. But, I never “knew” him, I just knew OF him. Knowing of/about God doesn’t make faith real.
Where does faith to believe in this all-knowing God come from? The peace that comes instantly from grabbing onto Jesus’ hand in our human experience, during one of our worst of worst situations, is where faith will become REAL to a person. Ask someone who has an uncommonly unwavering faith where it came from. Really, ask them. 10 to 1, they will tell you they were at the bottom of the barrel, ready to give up. It was there that I, too, came to faith in God, in my worst of worst times.
At the end of the barrel, drowning in our sorrows, we can take hold of Jesus’s outstretched hand and start a new way of living our human experience, seeing ourselves as we truly are; suffering humans in a fallen world, who are loved and forgiven.
Kelly’s faith sustained her from believing any lie (evil force) that would condemn her concerning her health choices to address her illness. She trusted God’s will to be done, not knowing the outcome of living a longer life with good health or living a half-life for any amount of time. How do I know this? Because we talk about faith and real things that happen in life that are very disturbing, painful, amazing, and wondrous. Why did God give/allow/afford her healing? I don’t know that answer. I know she put great effort into what she believed would heal her, convictions of what was a “right way” FOR HERSELF, but do I think that is WHY she was healed? No, but I believe it helped herself immensely knowing she was doing the very best she knew to do for herself.
When crying out for the people I love & cherish, I’ll always end prayers to God with, “but Thy will be done… not mine, not so and so’s, but Thy (God’s) will be done.” And with that, I will leave the outcome for Him, knowing there is a spiritual battle of forces, angels of light verses angels of darkness, that war in an unseen realm here on earth over the daily lives of every human being. That’s my faith.
I have a responsibility to act when moved in heart to do some act of kindness, or carry out some conviction “in faith”. It’s a choice, a part of what’s called “free will”… to follow those promptings or not too. Our free will impacts other’s lives, for the better or worse. If my choice to follow through with an act of faith towards another is not received by the person the act was bestowed upon, I trust that God (who sees all and knows all) is going to ultimately direct the final outcome regardless of my doing any act of faith because the outcome may or may not have to do with anything WE acted on or that we may orchestrate. God hears our prayers that impact ours and any person’s daily life.
While Kelly was in her early years of illness, there were people I asked (that I knew would) to pray for her. I trusted each person asked to pray would do so as they were led to. No questions in my mind of their doing so, when they would, or how often they would. Every so often, they would hear from us, usually myself, and were asked to keep praying for Kel’s health situation.
How does God hear the needs of so many individuals to the ends of the earth? That I cannot answer. I do trust that He hears and will respond through all of life, using nature, other humans, animals, material information, weather and water, etc. to speak and respond to us. What is spoken is not audible to me ears, but heard in my heart. How do I know it’s him? That’s tricky, but has to go through a “funneling” channel for me to trust it was Him and be at peace about it.
Kelly was not out of the woods yet during this part of her telling of her health journey, but she was definitely heading in the right direction towards being out! Family is a great place to practice one’s faith. As a family, we have daily opportunities to seek God’s face for our own and other’s needs to be filled. As a larger family, including friends and relatives, we can share our hearts, our needs, our hopes and dreams with these people. What a beautiful testimony of faith, to access the God of this universe, and see how he will orchestrate our lives and answer our prayer requests in His perfect time and in His perfect way.
If you trust in this faith, God the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, there is power in that faith; power to move mountains, to heal the sick, and give sight to the blind. He is always available to talk to, 24/7. Call out, a simple “Help” will do. Watch for how he answers. It just may surprise you.