Gifts of Pain

*Continuance of “My Story” starting with Blog #1: When your life flashes before your eyes in a flood gate of memories…

The end of August 2016 marked the start of year number 6 of my journey towards healing.  Those last few days brought a lot of memories I reflected on during this long journey.  At times, my heart was so overcome with thankfulness that tears of joy pooled and ran down my face.  Remembering all of those days that were so hard, yet, here I was! All the healing that had happened, was happening, and is taking place was overwhelming to think about.

“Thank you Lord, from the bottom of my heart.  I trust you, Papa.  I love you!  Please continue to heal me and use me for your glory and honor.  My life is in your hands and always has been,” I spoke softly to Papa God.

JE September 2nd, 2016

I am all better!  I feel it!  I believe it!  And, I KNOW IT!!!  Papa, thank you!  MY heart and being are full of pure joy, love, and thankfulness.  Utter thankfulness!  Feeling blessed beyond measure.  And, I know that the healing will only continue!  Tonight I played cards, “500” with my parents and brother.  I truly don’t like playing that game anymore, but I agreed without hesitation to play, as a way to celebrate.  Doing something you don’t like as a way of celebrating sure sounds backwards, but it’s really not.  It’s a form of love, willingness to do something others would enjoy, a way to diversify and not stay stuck in my own ways.  

Dad had asked me at supper, “How do you want to celebrate your healing you’ve had going on lately?”  The family joked, forming and voicing their thoughts as to how I would respond while I ate my supper.  As I was chewing and absorbing the meal, I listened to them chatter, marveled at the playfulness that flowed between them, how the atmosphere was so uplifting and fresh.

Thank you, Papa God, for answering prayers and doing so in YOUR perfect timing.  Thank you for never leaving me or forsaking me.

My heart was joyful and at peace, knowing what we’d accomplished in the last 6 years. Yes, it was WE… me doing the bulk of the work, but all the health professionals that had helped in their own unique way(s), my Mom, my family, my small tribe of people.  It was such a rewarding feeling in my heart of hearts to know that I’d overcome Pancreatic Cancer, and reversing other gut issues too.

I had to do my Comprehensive Stool Analysis Test yet to see if the results were going to show my “heart’s knowings”.  Time would tell… and with that, I would soon start sharing my health story and good news with other friends and relatives as the days continued, to those whom didn’t know what I’d been going through these past 6 years.

nature.jpg

Throughout my health journey thus far I’d learned a lot about myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually (the four aspects of a whole human being).  If I wanted to be healthy and well, I needed to address each area for healing to happen.  This wasn’t just a “one time” addressing of any one of those areas.  Sometimes it was a process, like layers of an onion as I’ve stated before.  The pains inflicted in our lives (in all areas) impact us whether we know it or not.  (In my next blog post I’ll be going into further detail of this.)

When I think of pain I can’t help but think about the first things that come to mind which are: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, comparison, gnarly, trauma, a chance to overcome, forgiveness, darkness vs. light, and character growth opportunity.  Maybe this throws some people for a loop, maybe it doesn’t.  What words come to your mind?  Bully?  Mean words?  Abuse?  Physical pain?  Anger?  Bitterness?

Everyone’s pain, view of pain, and way they handle pain is different.  I’m not going to say the way you or I handle it is right or wrong, but I will say that I’ve learned a great deal about pain not just from the course of where I’m at in my health journey, but in my entire journey of life.  But, that too will be explained more in the next blog.

Right now, I’d like to share some of the gifts that pain has brought to my life:

Wisdom.  In complete vulnerable humbleness, I can truly say that some wisdom has been gained.  I have a deep respect for pain in whatever of the four aspects it takes place.   My health journey wisdom was gained through firsthand experiences with pain.  It wasn’t always easy, and most of the time it wasn’t.  But I learned to embrace the pain as best I could, rather than become angry and bitter.  I wanted to become a better person, a better version of myself, a healthier person, a more loving individual, and I wanted to understand how to better embrace life’s continuous roller coaster of pains that will always be apart of our lives.  Pain is painful, but that doesn’t mean it has to define you, me, or the next person.  We each have the choice to choose how pain affects/effects us. I’ve been told that painful experiences may help to handle pain in other circumstances not only my life but in other’s lives too.  I’ve found this to be true.

Expanded tolerance to & compassion for others.  Well, if you know me personally you know I’m a Massage Therapist.  But that’s just a title.  Let’s talk personal.  I’m not lying when I say I have a big heart and LOVE people.  My compassion for others is “earth shaking” as some have shared.  But my compassion isn’t just in my job (which yes, I’m very passionate about my work), it’s in all of daily life.  I used to be an introvert (as talked about in previous blog posts).  Long story short, I’ve changed from the person I once was.  In my journey, I’ve grown to have a respect and expanded tolerance for all people, no matter where we stand in a conversation, our beliefs, in life views, etc.  I was NOT always like this.  It used to be if it wasn’t my way (in my much younger years), then you can certainly hit the highway.  And if you didn’t want to, well, I was done with the conversation and the atmosphere was thick with tension.  I’m guessing you probably know what I’m talking about 😉  As I have changed, no matter our beliefs I choose to tolerate and respect others.  My compassion for others has also grown, probably 10-fold to be honest.  It’s a process and one that is continuous, never ending.

bring-nature-indoors.jpgSelf Love.  This is something that I’ve always had.  In my younger years I was the odd person out.  Oops, I guess I still am!  Hahaha!  Meaning, I stayed true to who I was/am as an individual, stayed true to my beliefs, and wasn’t one to go along to get along.  That just wasn’t me.  However, this being said, I’ve also matured in the sense that self-love is more than what my narrow minded beliefs were, to in my later years really stepping back and looking at myself and my life from outside the box, asking myself why do I do what I do? Is this really helping me?  Self love isn’t just about taking care of our bodies, such as exercise and feeding/fueling our bodies right.  It’s also about thinking right (positive, but yet realistic and responsibly), and taking time for ME.  Yes, I need to take care of me because I can’t expect anyone else to take care of me or know me better than I know myself and what I need.  Self love isn’t JUST a few aspects, it’s a lot more!  With time, practice, and maturing, self love can grow, blossoming to more the person we were meant to become.

Claim your power & live in your time essence.  Okay, I actually don’t like the word power.  In many people’s eyes power gets perceived as ‘more powerful’ or ‘reigning over’, or to put it bluntly, ‘I’m more powerful than you’.  I’m not a fan of any of those.  My thinking about power is… our power is our essence.  Our power is the person that we are, the person we are becoming.  This power is powerful, but NOT more powerful than any other person’s power.  We are ALL equal.  No one is better than another.  When we are living in the beautiful essence of the uniquely beautiful person THAT we are, then THAT IS our power.  The way that we share our power is by sharing our lives with others.  It’s by living our lives in our own awestruck beauty in our own skin.  Our time here on earth is precious.  We don’t know the number of days that we have.  Our lives, our time here, is ours to claim.  Claiming it doesn’t have to be big and bold.  Claiming it can be quite and sweet.  But by claiming it, we are living for such a time as this, to live our lives in our own essence.  Our lives are continually changing.  That means our essence is continually changing.  Staying true to ourselves and embracing that power IS our power.

Wrapping it up…  The gifts of pain are numerous, truly.  In the next blog I’m going to go deeper into this subject and talk about how pain can affect us whether we know it or not.

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